FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
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When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize