Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
