I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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