your room smells of hookers.
And success
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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