Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
