smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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