Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
