Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I will be naked everywhere
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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