there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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