Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I love having hate sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
