New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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