Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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