chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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