1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
