I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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