Duck Duck Cougar?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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