This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
