every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
