After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
