i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
