Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
