is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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