lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
