WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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