I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
