so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
