I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
