yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
