Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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