I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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