So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize