and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
