I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
