pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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