Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
