I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
