im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
