From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
