So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
