and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
