So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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