I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
