I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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