I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
