At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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