God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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