There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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