i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
