Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
