I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
