haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
