Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
