i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
