i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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