"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
