He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
