my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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