I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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