After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
