I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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