We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
