a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
