he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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