I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
