It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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